The Parking Ticket

Back in the early 1960's I was driving to work with my brother Max in my green 1949 Buick with the crunched front fender, due to a collision with a meat pie truck. While waiting for the cops to arrive me and the other driver enjoyed a meat pie, but I digress. I was driving Bathurst St. bridge near Old Fort York which was almost directly over the Yard Office, when Max yells \\\Stop/// I wondered what the hell, there was no one in sight, good thing, jammed on my brakes and Max jumps out of the car, and runs to, what appears to be a wallet in the middle of the road. He grabs the wallet while I am in the car waiting to be rear ended which does not happen, and we continue on our way. Max proceeds to open the wallet which was not a wallet at all but a leather case which held a Policeman's blank parking tickets. I guess that a cop from the traffic div. on Strachn Ave dropped them. Max says I'm going to keep the wallet and throw the tickets away, to which I said no you won't, I want the tickets. We get to work and my mind was wondering all the time who would I give my first Parking ticket to, and then the light went off, it was so obvious.
Now at Bathurst St. we had to hoop up the bills on to most trains making lifts there, and the trains went by quite fast some times 40 to 50 MPH, and if it was a long train 75 cars you had a bit of time because 75 cars is three quarters of a mile long. but if it was 25 cars you did not have much time to get out with the bills, so rushed to do so.
Ralph G. used to park right in front of the door where we exited to hoop up the bills and we would almost run up on the hood of his car if we weren't thinking. We told Ralph many times do not park there. Now Ralph was nearing pension age and seemed older than his years to us but we couldn't convince him not to park there.
I looked out the window an sure as shooting Ralph was parked there again, so I wrote out a parking ticket, for, "Blocking a fire exit" and made it for the max at the time $10.00 dollars, and signed the ticket D. Tracy.
I should say that I had, had problems with parking tickets from time to time and, was in fact written up twice, in the Toronto Star by Ron Haggart, a columnist for the Star regarding my adventures in parking tickets, grist for another mill, and another time. Needless to say I was considered very knowledgeable in the office regarding parking tickets, and was always the one people would come to when they wanted to vent about parking tickets.
Ralph was some what of a whiner, and went to everyone in the office whining, everyone except me, who had told him many, many times not to park there. Ralph had gotten some sympathy but not much encouragement, and when the shift ended he continued to talk to the next shift.
I knew that Danny McD. GYM would be arriving soon so I went out to see him, and told him what to expect, and for him to tell Ralph to come to me for help.
When Danny entered the office Ralph went up to him looking for advice and sympathy, he got the sympathy then Danny told him why don't you talk to Al he has had a lot of experience with parking tickets.
I was watching the action out of the corner of my eye and was ready when Ralph headed over to me holding the ticket out, in his hand. I grabbed the ticket out of his hand yelling I can't stand the sight of parking tickets, they infuriate me, and proceeded to tear it up in 100 pieces and threw it on the floor and jumped up and down on it like I was throwing a tantrum.
Now as you all know, when a parking ticket is not paid on time, the fine doubles, and the ticket could not be paid in that condition, so Ralph could see dollar bill running before his eyes.
I let Ralph stew for a couple of pregnant moments, and said Ralph, don't worry about the tickets, I have friends at city hall and will fix the ticket, to which he breathed a sigh of relief, adding for Christ's sake Ralph don't park there any more.
Did it work, no a few weeks went by and Ralph was parking there again.
Which proves the old adage, "You can lead a Jackass to knowledge, but you can't make him think.
Allan