" The Thick Thespian"

There was this young man who worked for the railroad for about six months, long enough to learn a lot of bad habits.

This young man, lets call him Kenny J. decides that he has Thespian genes instead of railway genes.

Kenny comes up to me one day and tells me that he is going to quit, and when I ask him what he is going to do, he says he wants to be an actor.

As there were no acting outlets in Toronto for trainee's, pun untended, he thought it would be wise for him to go to New York City and, check out Broadway for a position in acting.

Well Kenny walks up and down Broadway checking out all the theatres, large and small without the hint of a position, until he gets to, the biggest, most opulent theatre on Broadway.

Kenn y starts talking with the stage manager who advises him that there is going to be a multi-million dollar musical mounting of " Gone With The Wind " and that there might be a very small part available, that it wouldn't be much, but that it would give him some exposure, that might lead to something later, and would be a great learning experience.

With grateful enthusiasm Kenny accepts the job and, asks what his part will be.

He is then sent to the Director who again tells him that it is only a small part with one line, but that it could lead to bigger and better things.

The director tells Kenny that he should cup his ear in his hand and, when he hears the cue say, "Hark I hear the cannons roar" show up for a few rehearsals, and that opening night is a month away.

Ken leaves the theatre in absolute and utter glee, getting a part after only a day of trying, returning to his room at the Y.M.C.A. where the thought strikes him that he is not made of money, that he will have to get a job to survive until the opening.

Kenny gets a job slinging hash for the minimum wage at the local Diner, but every night without fail for two hours, stands in front of the full length mirror cupping his ear with his hand, and with great intensity saying "HARK I HEAR THE CANNONS ROAR" in fact he gets it so good that he doesnt bother showing up for rehearsals and concentrates on his hash slinging instead, what the hell, a buck is a buck.

The big night arrives and Kenny scoots down to the theater and goes in the stage entrance at the rear where, he is greeted by the director who asks him why he never showed up for any rehearsals, to which Kenny explains that he needed his hash slinging job to survive, but that he practiced every night and had the part down pat, and was as ready as anyone could be.

He satisfied the Director who told him where the dressing room was, to get into his costume, and get on the stage, before the curtain went up, and that there was an X on the stage, where he was to stand, wait for his cue, and with great gusto, and volume say his line.

As this was a very large, and opulent production, opening night itself, was a gala event, the red carpet and such, with all sorts of dignitaries and notables their wives and families in tow.

There was the President, Vice President, the Governor, the Mayor, and a variety of Senators all arriving with there families, along with a phalanx of the Religious Right, Robert Reed, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swaggart, Pat Robertson et. al. you get the picture, all arriving on the red carpet, with search lights scanning the skies as if looking for the Lord.

The very impressed, and awed, Kenny gets dressed walks over on the stage to where the X was marked, and stands perfectly still.

There is a drum roll, a blaring fanfare and the great ponderous curtain begins to rise, then the play is in progress, when all of a sudden out of stage left, comes, a great, and resounding BOOOOM,
to which Kenny yells, " WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT"

Those railroad bad habits can get you in trouble. By the way this is fictional as you probably guessed, but it was always one of my favorite jokes

Allan